Home Down In Oz.
(A parody I wrote on the old cowboy song, "Home on the Range")
Oh, give me a home,
Where the kangaroos roam.
Where the emus and wallabies play.
Where the koala bear will just sit and stare,
From the branch of a gum tree all day.
Home, home down in Oz,
Where I once used ter wish that I was.
Where the dust and the flies,
Get up yer nose and in yer eyes,
And the bushfires keep burnin’ all day!
Oh, give me a land, where yer can walk on the strand,
But yer dare not go in fer a swim.
Cos the white pointer shark’s bite is worse than ‘is bark,
An’ yer don’t want ter meet up with ’im!
Home, home down in Oz,
Where I once used ter wish that I was.
Where the dust and the flies,
Get up yer nose and in yer eyes,
And the bushfires keep burnin’ all day!
Where the Bush Tucker Man, drives around in ‘is van,
Through Kakadu National Park,
And each day fer ‘is tea, ‘e’ll climb up a tree,
Getting’ witchety grubs from under the bark.
Home, home down in Oz,
Where I once used ter wish that I was.
Where the dust and the flies,
Get up yer nose and in yer eyes,
And the bushfires keep burnin’ all day!
But I no longer yearn ter ever return,
Ter the land of the coolabah trees.
So I think I’ll just stay here in the UK,
And let the winter winds blow ‘round my knees!
John Keogh.
Some facts about Australia.
Climate;
Nice weather, (where we lived) South Australia, about 14 miles north of Adelaide, if you don't mind the heat, often over 100 deg. F. Top temp. that I experienced 109 deg. (shade temp.) Working on a construction site at the time. Here's a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_Australia. Can get below freezing, (unusual) early mornings in winter, but by mid-day it's warm enough to take your shirt off. We lived quite near to the Mt. Lofty Ranges, where I worked building houses for the well off. We did see it snow on top of Mt. Lofty once, but not enough to settle. However, in wintertime in New South Wales, in the Snowy Mountains & a number of other places, it snows enough to facilitate ski resorts.
Check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skiing_in_Australia
Cyclones;
Mostly in Northern areas. This one happened on Xmas day 1974, when I was still in Oz. Darwin was devastated! A workmate of mine had gone home to Darwin for Xmas & got so drunk that he slept right through it! http://www.bom.gov.au/climate/environ/cyclone_tracy.shtml
Fauna;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_fauna. There are some strange animals Down Under, which being so unusual, were originally considered to be frauds when first described by early explorers. Many of them are harmless to man, but quite a few are better avoided, such as these; white pointer & other sharks. (I never saw any in the 9 1/2 years that I was there.) Other denizens of the deep included stinging jellyfish, one of our daughters got stung but not severely, ameliorated by vinegar. There are also tiny Blue-Ringed Octopuses, whose bite will kill you in 20 minutes! I saw one caught on a fishing line by an angler standing beside me. He stabbed it about thirty times & was in terror of it! Also Weever Fish, (actually Sand Perch, true Weevers are also found in UK waters) with poisonous barbs giving a nasty sting, not usually fatal. Stingrays can kill with a barbed tail, Steve Irwin of "Crocodile Diaries" TV series, the real-life "Crocodile Dundee" who often wrestled crocs & was never harmed by them, was killed by a Stingray! This brings us to the big "Salties," salt water crocs, which you don't want to meet! They kill lots of people every year.
Many snakes, mainly in the Bush. Certain spiders, such as Redback, found anywhere, even in towns & cities, in sheds & dunnies, (outside toilets) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redback_spider, nasty bite, only fatal to young children & those with a weak heart. I saw one or two, but never got bitten. Then there are Trapdoor spiders, deadly bite. And Funnelwebs, also deadly. The latter two are not found in South Australia.
Termites;
Every house built in Australia has to have a metal ant sheild placed over the foundations to prevent infestation by termites, known as white ants, but not related. These jokers can eat wood faster than most Aussies can drink beer! I have seen where they can eat away the wood in a fence post & leave the paint still on the outside, making the post appear sound until you poke it with your finger. All there will be is a shell of paint & no fence post!
However, don't let all this alarm you! In the time I lived out there, none of these things ever bothered me, except for the mosquitos! Being keen on fishing, I was often greeted by these friendly little blighters. They were found in their millions near mangrove trees which grow on the edge of the sea shore. Never go there, especially after dusk, without the Aeroguard, an effective insect repellent, that stinks like a mixture of kerosene & WD40, but keeps the mozzies away.
Indigenous People, Aborigines;
The Aborigines are are gentle, friendly, peaceful people, despite being oppressed, abused & persecuted by the "civilised" white man who stole their country. In the island state of Tasmania, the Aborigines were totally wiped out by the Whites. See this Wikipedia link; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genocides_in_history#Australia
Below is an extract from an article by Assata Shakur; http://www.assatashakur.org/forum/breaking-down-understanding-our-enemies/16811-genocidal-history-tasmanian-aboriginies.html
The Black War and subsequent Black Line were turning points in the relationship with European settlers. Even though the tribes managed to avoid capture during these events, they were shaken by the size of the campaigns against them.
George Augustus Robinson, a "Christian" missionary, befriended Truganini, (an Aboriginal woman), learnt some of the local language and in 1833 managed to persuade the remaining peoples to move to a new settlement on Flinders Island, where he promised a modern and comfortable environment, and that they would be relocated to the Tasmanian mainland as soon as possible.
Once on Flinders Island, Robinson cruelly abandoned the Aborigines. Of the 300 people who arrived with Robinson, 250 died in the following 14 years in conditions more akin to a prison.
In 1847, the 47 survivors were transferred to their final settlement at Oyster Cove, where ”no longer perceived as a threat” they were often dressed up and paraded on official engagements.
Other Stuff;
Then there are the bush fires, a regular & devastating feature of Australia. While some of these have natural causes, such as lightning, many are started deliberately by senseless morons. Others are a result of carelessness, such as discarded cigarettes, or not observing the strict fire prevention laws etc. Also tropical cyclones, see above.
Introduced species of plants, fish & animals are also a big problem. Plants that are quite innocuous in their own country grow out of control in Australia. Even the seemingly innocent blackberry has now become a pest & is listed as a noxious weed.
Animals that have been introduced & have become pests include rabbits, mice, which reach plague proportions every six years or so. Foxes & cats, which devastate local wildlife, which have no indigenous predators other than dingoes, also introduced, but so long ago that they are now considered to be native dogs. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_introduced_species#Australia
(A parody I wrote on the old cowboy song, "Home on the Range")
Oh, give me a home,
Where the kangaroos roam.
Where the emus and wallabies play.
Where the koala bear will just sit and stare,
From the branch of a gum tree all day.
Home, home down in Oz,
Where I once used ter wish that I was.
Where the dust and the flies,
Get up yer nose and in yer eyes,
And the bushfires keep burnin’ all day!
Oh, give me a land, where yer can walk on the strand,
But yer dare not go in fer a swim.
Cos the white pointer shark’s bite is worse than ‘is bark,
An’ yer don’t want ter meet up with ’im!
Home, home down in Oz,
Where I once used ter wish that I was.
Where the dust and the flies,
Get up yer nose and in yer eyes,
And the bushfires keep burnin’ all day!
Where the Bush Tucker Man, drives around in ‘is van,
Through Kakadu National Park,
And each day fer ‘is tea, ‘e’ll climb up a tree,
Getting’ witchety grubs from under the bark.
Home, home down in Oz,
Where I once used ter wish that I was.
Where the dust and the flies,
Get up yer nose and in yer eyes,
And the bushfires keep burnin’ all day!
But I no longer yearn ter ever return,
Ter the land of the coolabah trees.
So I think I’ll just stay here in the UK,
And let the winter winds blow ‘round my knees!
John Keogh.
Some facts about Australia.
Climate;
Nice weather, (where we lived) South Australia, about 14 miles north of Adelaide, if you don't mind the heat, often over 100 deg. F. Top temp. that I experienced 109 deg. (shade temp.) Working on a construction site at the time. Here's a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_Australia. Can get below freezing, (unusual) early mornings in winter, but by mid-day it's warm enough to take your shirt off. We lived quite near to the Mt. Lofty Ranges, where I worked building houses for the well off. We did see it snow on top of Mt. Lofty once, but not enough to settle. However, in wintertime in New South Wales, in the Snowy Mountains & a number of other places, it snows enough to facilitate ski resorts.
Check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skiing_in_Australia
Cyclones;
Mostly in Northern areas. This one happened on Xmas day 1974, when I was still in Oz. Darwin was devastated! A workmate of mine had gone home to Darwin for Xmas & got so drunk that he slept right through it! http://www.bom.gov.au/climate/environ/cyclone_tracy.shtml
Fauna;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_fauna. There are some strange animals Down Under, which being so unusual, were originally considered to be frauds when first described by early explorers. Many of them are harmless to man, but quite a few are better avoided, such as these; white pointer & other sharks. (I never saw any in the 9 1/2 years that I was there.) Other denizens of the deep included stinging jellyfish, one of our daughters got stung but not severely, ameliorated by vinegar. There are also tiny Blue-Ringed Octopuses, whose bite will kill you in 20 minutes! I saw one caught on a fishing line by an angler standing beside me. He stabbed it about thirty times & was in terror of it! Also Weever Fish, (actually Sand Perch, true Weevers are also found in UK waters) with poisonous barbs giving a nasty sting, not usually fatal. Stingrays can kill with a barbed tail, Steve Irwin of "Crocodile Diaries" TV series, the real-life "Crocodile Dundee" who often wrestled crocs & was never harmed by them, was killed by a Stingray! This brings us to the big "Salties," salt water crocs, which you don't want to meet! They kill lots of people every year.
Many snakes, mainly in the Bush. Certain spiders, such as Redback, found anywhere, even in towns & cities, in sheds & dunnies, (outside toilets) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redback_spider, nasty bite, only fatal to young children & those with a weak heart. I saw one or two, but never got bitten. Then there are Trapdoor spiders, deadly bite. And Funnelwebs, also deadly. The latter two are not found in South Australia.
Termites;
Every house built in Australia has to have a metal ant sheild placed over the foundations to prevent infestation by termites, known as white ants, but not related. These jokers can eat wood faster than most Aussies can drink beer! I have seen where they can eat away the wood in a fence post & leave the paint still on the outside, making the post appear sound until you poke it with your finger. All there will be is a shell of paint & no fence post!
However, don't let all this alarm you! In the time I lived out there, none of these things ever bothered me, except for the mosquitos! Being keen on fishing, I was often greeted by these friendly little blighters. They were found in their millions near mangrove trees which grow on the edge of the sea shore. Never go there, especially after dusk, without the Aeroguard, an effective insect repellent, that stinks like a mixture of kerosene & WD40, but keeps the mozzies away.
Indigenous People, Aborigines;
The Aborigines are are gentle, friendly, peaceful people, despite being oppressed, abused & persecuted by the "civilised" white man who stole their country. In the island state of Tasmania, the Aborigines were totally wiped out by the Whites. See this Wikipedia link; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genocides_in_history#Australia
Below is an extract from an article by Assata Shakur; http://www.assatashakur.org/forum/breaking-down-understanding-our-enemies/16811-genocidal-history-tasmanian-aboriginies.html
The Black War and subsequent Black Line were turning points in the relationship with European settlers. Even though the tribes managed to avoid capture during these events, they were shaken by the size of the campaigns against them.
George Augustus Robinson, a "Christian" missionary, befriended Truganini, (an Aboriginal woman), learnt some of the local language and in 1833 managed to persuade the remaining peoples to move to a new settlement on Flinders Island, where he promised a modern and comfortable environment, and that they would be relocated to the Tasmanian mainland as soon as possible.
Once on Flinders Island, Robinson cruelly abandoned the Aborigines. Of the 300 people who arrived with Robinson, 250 died in the following 14 years in conditions more akin to a prison.
In 1847, the 47 survivors were transferred to their final settlement at Oyster Cove, where ”no longer perceived as a threat” they were often dressed up and paraded on official engagements.
Other Stuff;
Then there are the bush fires, a regular & devastating feature of Australia. While some of these have natural causes, such as lightning, many are started deliberately by senseless morons. Others are a result of carelessness, such as discarded cigarettes, or not observing the strict fire prevention laws etc. Also tropical cyclones, see above.
Introduced species of plants, fish & animals are also a big problem. Plants that are quite innocuous in their own country grow out of control in Australia. Even the seemingly innocent blackberry has now become a pest & is listed as a noxious weed.
Animals that have been introduced & have become pests include rabbits, mice, which reach plague proportions every six years or so. Foxes & cats, which devastate local wildlife, which have no indigenous predators other than dingoes, also introduced, but so long ago that they are now considered to be native dogs. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_introduced_species#Australia